Living in Buenos Aires, you are guaranteed to see a funny, creative, or just downright weird occurrence at least once a day. It’s a given here, and something the locals are almost certainly desensitised to!

Weird BA

Here was today’s helping of Argentine oddness, found on the back end of a bus (’colectivo’) in Buenos Aires…

Certain Kings…don’t travel on camels

Apparently, Kings in Buenos Aires travel by bus. And it’s a bargain too…at just 80 centavos (err…25 US cents) to travel as far as you want within the city, or just 75 centavos for under 15 blocks…big saving…or even the large outlay of 1.25 pesos to travel in greater Buenos Aires or on a toll road!

In today’s economy, a King has to be prudent with his savings, what with the world dromedary shortage forcing camel prices up!

(See the comments on this post for further explanation of the camels quote! Thanks Nico…)

Buenos Aires Buses

Seriously though, for me, colectivos really are the travel choice of Kings in Buenos Aires. There are so many routes, that almost all run with amazing frequency and regularity, even right through the night. Certainly beats the somewhat limited subte (subway) system here in BA, especially as the hot and sticky summer months are approaching us. And there is no risk of being kidknapped by your taxi driver (don’t panic, this really is not a major concern in BA, not as much as people say anyway - I will post on this sometime soon).

So, here is my advice on how to catch a bus in Buenos Aires (I never thought the time would come that I gave people advice on how to catch a bus, but in this case, in BA, it is not as simple as it sounds!)…

Buy a Guia T Buenos Aires Bus Guide

• Buy the pocket-sized ‘Guia T’ bus route book from any pavement kiosk (they are found on almost every block in main avenues) for somewhere between 2 and 5 pesos (under US$2).

Using the Guia T

• Use the front section of the ‘Guia T’ to find the road and number where you currently are. This should point you towards the correct page and grid number of the maps later in the book.
• Use this grid reference to pinpoint exactly where you are on the map, making sure you have the right grid square. Got that? Good.
• Now, find the relative grid square on the opposing page to the map, which lists the numbers of all the bus routes that run through that area. Make a mark on that square to keep a note of it, because now you have to find where you are going.
• Repeat the above process for where you want to go to, from using the front section to find the road, to finding the square with the bus routes that run through the area you wish to get to.
• Now, compare and contrast the two sets of numbers in the squares you found. You need to find bus routes than run through both squares.
• Once you have found these routes, flip to the back section of the Guia T and find the details of each route. Here you will see all the streets the buses pass down, both ‘Ida y Vuelta’ (going and returning).
• Using this detailed route plan and the map square where you are currently, find a street that the bus will travel down (in the right direction!) near you.

Catching the bus (Tomar [NOT Coger!] el colectivo)

• Now you have found the street where the bus route you want is supposed to travel down (if you are having trouble, ask a local, they will usually try and help), make one last check that the direction of traffic is going the right way for where you want to go (if it isn’t, you will need the opposite route, which due to the one way road system here in BA, will be on a different road nearby).
• Walk along the street you found, on the right hand side, until you find the bus stop for your number. It shouldn’t be much more than a block.
• Queue up politely and patiently, in the direction away from where the bus will come. If you are still not sure the bus you want to take will be going in the right direction, ask someone else in line “este colectivo (point to bus number) va por Microcentro/Recoleta/Palermo/etc?’, and they will be pleased to help you!
• Before you get too comfortable standing in line, make sure you have change! You will need coins to pay the bus fare. It will cost 80 centavos, so make sure you have a 1 peso coin, or a combination of 10s, 25s and 50s that make up 80 centavos. They do not accept bills. Ever.
• Ok, sometimes they do accept bills. If there is a conductor standing at your bus stop, you can pay him with a 2 or a 5, maybe even a 10. But the conductor has been there about 4 times in 2 years for me. And only on the busiest routes.
• When you see your colectivo approching, and it won’t be long, make sure to stick your arm out to stop it in good time. Too late and it might go speeding past. No snoozing!

Paying the man (well ok, the machine)

• When you get on the bus, say “Ochenta”. This means you want a fare of 80 centavos, which it will almost always be. Plus it is the easiest of the fares to pronounce by a long shot!
• Then, make sure you have your coins ready, and check that the bus driver has pressed his button that changes the digital readout on the money machine behind his seat to read your fare (0.80). If not, give him a quick stare, and he’ll realize.
• When the machine shows the fare, stuff your coins in the top slot one by one, checking they were accepted (sometimes you have to try them a few times), and then your small, thin paper ticket, and any change, will collect in the bottom slot of machine.
• Grab your ticket and find a seat! If busy, find a rail and HOLD ON TIGHT. Buenos Aires bus drivers are CRAZY! They enjoy breaking hard at the last moment at junctions, especially if they smell a tourist is on board Seriously though, the first few times I caught a bus here standing up I was always off balance and falling over.

And that’s it. Enjoy the ride! I hope you got all that…

…..hello?

…..heeeeellllllllllooooooo?…….anybody…..?

Oh. It seems you all got the taxi instead. Well, they are also ridiculously cheap in Buenos Aires.